I feel violated, physically

After hearing this … 

Apparently some guy found an awful cover of Knights of Cydonia by Muse … then put the actual video over it!

Im not sure what to think anymore

So anyway, I got the hospital rang up and spoke to the Junior Sister because the actual Sister is off sick!
Anyway, she said that they dont like to lose people and that she’s gonna ring me next week to see what they can do to help me.
I dont know if I wanna go back. The quack gave me a note for 4 weeks to get my head together. So Im still getting paid n all that jazz.
I’ll see what they have to say. But if I do go back, Im going on my terms. Which means less early starts and more nights.
Im not bein funny but Im not a morning person, Im really not. So night shifts would be so much better.
I mean even if I started at 8:30am instead of 7 it would be a bonus.
And I know people do.

Now Im worried that if I do go back that people are gonna think Im some sort of insane little child who cant cope with the big wide world.
Well Im sorry Im not as worldly as everyone else seems to be, but Ive lived in Lincolnshire my entire life and Ive never lived away from home properly. What do they expect?

Oh well. We live to try another day!

Saying all that …

I actually had an amazing Birthday!!

Norm came to see me and we went out for lunch. Went shopping for a bit and ended up in the pub with a few of my friends from down here. Went back to my house for more drinks and went to sleep about 5am!
It was one of the best birthdays Ive had! So thanks everyone!

NYE was amazing too!!

Me and Norm went to Kirstie’s house to see her and Chrissy. Went to the Star and the Hart. I got very drunk and fell asleep somewhere around 2/3am!
But it was nice to hang out with them and just chill. You know?

Thanks to Ski …

Because he made my Birthday really great (not that everyone else didnt too mind you ..) but, idk, it was just nice to be with him on my day!
I just know 2008 is gonna be good for our relationship. I cant wait to see what happens. Its all gonna be amazing!

/fail

You ever feel like your entire life is going down the pan?

Thats what I feel right now.
Tho Im tryin to change all that. My job is seriously making me ill. You may not have noticed because when Im not there Im a happy person and generally I seem well enough.

Im not.

Its not like Ive been lying to your faces. In the beginning I did like the job. Its just its draining me emotionally and physically.
The stupid problems I have in my head are worse than ever. Im having random panic attacks late at night. I cant sleep for anxiety.

I feel like Ive let everyone down. Like everyones gonna think less of me now. I mean, who wants a quitter?
My parents/grandparents say they dont wanna see me ill. But Im sure they really are disapointed in me. Im pretty sure Norm is very disapointed in me, despite what he says.

I hate letting people down. I need to look after myself though. I cant go on like this.
2008 is a new start. Im sure it will be a good year. At least, I hope it will.